oh honey, i can’t take it, you’re just better than the rest

thirty day writing challenges, day seven: write about ten songs that you’re loving right now

1. red light // the regrettes

i’ve already mentioned the regrettes too many time on this blog, but I JUST ADORE THEIR TEEN ROCK. this is a song that you can just rock and dance violently in the solace of your bedroom and scream the lyrics with your hairbrush while thinking of the object of your affection. it’s so iconic, i’m telling you. it gives me mad nostalgia for something that happened recently so lmao.

2. (fuck a) silver lining // panic! at the disco

i am so excited for Pray For The Wicked, their next studio album. ALL OF THE RELEASED SONGS ARE STRAIGHT BOPS, TRY TO CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. i feel like say amen (saturday night) got a lot of attention, but no one really listened to silver lining which released the same day. i really liked the way brendon described it in his livestream. but it gives really good vibes, i like the horns, and i really like the skater vibes.

3. moon // foolish wanderers

i found this little gem while going through aesthetic song lyrics channels and it’s such a sweet song. lately, i’ve felt celestial and you’ll probably see from the next one, too. it’s a nice duet, and the aesthetics and imagery of it are so peaceful.

4. honey in the sun // camera obscura

my orchestra teacher performed this song when we were working on our composition projects about his best friend who died of cancer around new year’s day. he did a composition of this song with an autoharp, which i didn’t even know was a thing honestly. it moved me to tears because it made me so sad. so i searched for the song found it, and it was more upbeat than how my teacher performed it, but the depressing lyrics are still there. it has great lyricism and it gives me the indie vibes from music i used to listen to so i feel some type of nostalgia listening to it.

5. back to you // selena gomez

this is probably the most outside choice out of the music i listen to because it don’t really listen to radio stuff, primarily because i don’t really have reasons to or the means to. i was just scrolling around on youtube and i saw this new selena gomez song. i think it was the thumbnail that made me be like, “i guess we can check this out.” i found the lyrics so relatable, and i really liked the music video’s symbolism, so it’s currently just stuck in my head.

6. lonely hearts club // marina and the diamonds

i love marina and the diamonds so much. when i first heard this song, years ago, i heard it, but i wasn’t actually listening to it, you know? so then i watched a video called, “zodiac signs as marina and the diamonds songs”, and it reached this song and i could not playing this clip until i found it myself and i was a little shook. like, why did i not listen to this before. this is a mood, this is a lifestyle.

7. motherlove // bea miller

the recent bea miller album has been out for a while now, and i told myself i would listen to it, but i kept forgetting and forgetting despite actively following her twitter lmao. so one day, i was thinking that i had time to kill after reading pride and prejudice and decided to finally take a listen. i truly love the album, but this song was so empowering that i had to add to the list. whenever you want to feel a little badass, this is a definite bop.

8. be the one // dua lipa

this is just a bop, enough said lmao.

no, but seriously, it’s a jam because … i don’t really know why. it’s just one of those songs like red light where you can dance around in your room like no one’s watching and have the time of your life to me.

9. fool // cavetown

like moon, i found this song by listening and watching aesthetic song lyrics channels. it’s quite melancholy with the feelings of unrequited love. if unrequited love doesn’t explain my life in a nutshell, i don’t know what does. to know that the artist is around my age just adds to the relatability and  feelings towards this song.

10. bubblegum // clairo

i can’t quite remember how i found this song, but i think i had come home from my ap chemistry exam and i was just cleaning and i was bored. i was watching a video and the song was okaying and i was like… “yo, what is this?” i did some digging and i finally found it and honestly, it described my feelings during those days. the pain and the overwhelming sweetness that comes with feelings coming back was just something that hit really close to home.

from a musically enabled, sleep deprived teen,

float in the cyberspace

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boy, you got me helpless!

thirty day writing challenge, day six: five ways to win my heart

considering i’ve somehow, someway, found myself liking someone i used to like back in middle school, i honestly think whatever controls who i like and when likes to play yo-yo with my feelings.

WHY DO I ACTUALLY HATE MYSELF.

and if you’ve known me for a long time, no, it is not the same person i wasted a good three to four years on while pedestaling them. lmao, i yo-yo but not in stupidity (remind me to explain something that happened within the last few days of school concerning him though).

also, remind me to write about my love life in this past school year because that was a  WHOLE OOF.

1. Openness

I mean this in two senses: honesty and questioning the universe. i’ll explain the latter, don’t worry. A problem I’ve had with a lot of people this year is their dishonesty and another added layer, someone lied to me for 3 months and said, “I should have known they were lying.”

what in the actual fuck.

so that my faith in humanity doesn’t drop any lower than level -100, i need someone who is emotionally open with me. i’ve lived a life without emotional openness and it’s suffering and miserable. mutual trust is SO important to me, i will be open to you if i trust you and you open yourself up to me.

i tend to like people more once we are both open with each other.

to the point about questioning the universe, i don’t know where to begin.

i’ve been growing more and more philosophical over the years and i’ve remained agnostic for a while. i have a lot of thoughts and so many theories (some that sometimes contradict others) concerning the universe and i wish i could share them with someone. but all my friends say i think too much and it’s not that deep and get over it, we’ll all die anyway. i just can’t think like that though and whoever gets the sentence of dealing with me for any period of time would have to deal with me and my philosophy bullshit.

2. Passion

i can’t have an aspiration-less loaf around. i mean passion in this sense as in they want to do something on this earth that would mean the world to them. you might say, “well, duh, everyone has that.” but i would contest that because you have so many people doing things because “they guess it’s cool” instead of actually caring about it. it just makes me really sad to think about that.

3. Affection

i fall for the little things, being an observant person.

regarding affection, i’m pretty fluid. i let people do whatever people feel like doing (not in a rape context); if i know someone is big on hugs, then i’m big on hugs, if i know someone doesn’t like hugs, i don’t like them either. however, i do crave more affection than i let on.

it doesn’t even have to be big or showstopping, just like hand holding and hugs and cuddles, i’m down with that.

4. Kindness

i don’t know how anyone wants to be with someone who isn’t kind. (@elizabeth bennet)

being a kind person IS THE SHIT. it feels so much easier to be kind to others and yourself than to be mean and negative (i know it’s hard to be kind to yourself, but for me it feels so much easier nowadays than when i chronically hated myself). kindness warms my heart so much, it’s lovely sunflower material.

5. WRITE ME A FUCKING SONG/POEM/STORY

DO THIS, DAMN IT.

IT’S THE MOST UNREALISTIC THING, BUT IT’S NOT MY FAULT, BLAME PINTEREST AND JOHN GREEN FOR GIVING ME UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF ROMANCE.

IT’S CUTE, OPEN, PASSIONATE, KIND, AFFECTION, I LOVE MUSIC AND I LOVE LITERATURE.

I WILL NOT CARE IF IT IS “BAD”, I WILL STILL LOVE IT BECAUSE YOU TRIED DAMN IT.

from a romantically confused girl,

float in the cyberspace.

so till i meet you there, i’m singing a traveling song to ease the ride

thirty day writing challenge, day five: write about five places you wish to go

hey, famerinis. apologies for no posts for the past three days, i’ve been having to stay up for family stuff and then be comfortably drowning in my bed to prevent overexertion.

but about travel.

i actually used to hate traveling. road trips with my family were never that enjoyable to me, planes gave me anxiety, buses got uncomfortable; i had a long list of grievances with travel. however, now i kind of want to go everywhere? lmao, i know it sounds crazy, but i started to realize how much appreciation i had for other cultures and languages and my curiosities into how living or even traveling to different places would be like. so now traveling is something i’d like to do more often.

1.ALL OF EUROPE

well, maybe not russia

…yikes.

is the balkans still a hot spot right now?

europe is a place where i’ve seen to be so enchanting . from the royalty to the actual diversity in cultures, to the mythologies and the castles, europe sometimes feels like a place that isn’t even real. doing projects on european countries opened my eyes to what’s there to explore in countries like even austria or estonia or even belarus (that’s too close to russia, never mind).

our school is being offered a ten-day trip to france and spain around spring break time next year. it’s three thousand, five hundred dollars,  but honestly, france and spain tickets plus the areas they plan to take us to, that’s cheap lmao. my mother says if i can save up most of that money, i can go. also, a little something something, my current crush, our mutual friend, and i wanted to go backpacking through europe for our graduation trips, but then this came up and we were like, lit.

my mutual friend, however, thinks she has something major for marching band/color guard over the days we’d be gone, so…

i think you see the point.

wouldn’t paris be so nice, and it’s close to prom season

2. The Pacific Northwest

it’s sort of for the aesthetic. i’ve always wondered what life is like in the pacific northwest because that’s where hipsters, american lumberjacks, and starbucks stemmed from. i think i would want to go to Seattle for the “culture” and Portland for the obscure book, coffee, and thrift stores and compare it to Portlandia.

3. South Africa

the rains seem pretty blessed here.

I think the people of South Africa are really strong and brave people considering the racially motivated violence and oppression in their past. apartheid did not end that long ago if you compare to our own civil rights freedoms, but even that wasn’t terribly far from this moment.

knowing this, i like looking into the culture of even all of africa prior to the scramble of africa and european colonialism/imperialism. i think i feel connected to the south africa because of that disney movie “The Color of Friendship”

i’m pretty sure that’s what it’s called.

4. Hawaii

I FREAKING WANT A RAINBOW LICENSE PLATE.

oof, i don’t know what came over me. Hawaii is just that place that dreams are made of. there’s just relaxation and no worries other than those accidental false emergency alerts last summer for some reason.  I’ve always been interested in Hawaiian history considering the continental US lowkey wrecked most of it, but that’s none of my business.

the wildlife to see is so diverse and unique to Hawaii, and it’s always been those dream locations for me.

5. Belize

i once read an american girl: girl of the year book about a girl named Jess and her parents who had to go to Belize for an archaeological dig. i absolutely adored american girl anything despite never owning a single doll so after reading the book i did a ton of research on belize in the fourth grade. i find belize very beautiful and after learning of mayan influence, i know it’s somewhere i would love to see in reality.

from your wanderlustful friend,

float in the cyberspace.

there’s no walls and no ceilings as far as i know

thirty day writing challenge, day four: write about someone who inspires you

i think i would have to say that someone really inspires me is my orchestra teacher. personally, i feel like most people who have a teacher that help hone the things that would be their passions are so much closer to them than ordinary teachers. which is a little obvious, but sometimes people don’t actually feel that way, and it’s a little surprising to me.

i’m now a high school junior, so i’ve only been around him for two years roughly. however, i don’t think length of time of knowing someone matters as much as depth of knowing someone.

i admire his wisdom, compassion, boldness, and realism. my orchestra teacher is so unapologetically himself, and sometimes even i think he’s a bit crazy, but he honestly does not care. he is so bold (this man wore a dress to school for a switcheroo spirit day for homecoming week last year), and he will not lie to you which was kind of surprising because i have been so used to teachers that sugarcoat or glaze over things. my orchestra teacher is on the young side, but he is so wise beyond his years, and i think it has to do with his psychology degree, and i think he did something in philosophy.

an accurate meme to describe him would have to be the one of the guy in the chair who asks, “why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?”

you can tell that he really cares about his students because this is high school and shit gets real. we all know him as the teacher you can go to for advice or if you need help because he truly listens to your issues and gives really good advice, and even after, he will continuously check up on you and he never fucking gives up on you. we’ve seen him when he’s really down because he had a really hard year this year and we give the same compassion he gives us and you can tell he loves us.

by being his student, i have learned things about music, obviously. he also shares insights that definitely altered my views on some things. probably the most important thing i have learned from him is to be you for as long as you are alive because you are the only person you are guaranteed. i can’t remember the exact quote, but i know he once said something along the lines of, “if you keep lying about who you are, you’re not going to able to keep up with the you’s you’ve created and you’ll be investing so much time into keeping up the you’s that you manufactured instead getting to know yourself like you should be at this age.” i know tumblr or pinterest could tell you this, but for it to come from someone i know and look up to, it actually went into my head.

he’s also taught us, as like an orchestra as a whole, that it’s easier to be compassionate in this setting rather than ambitious to the point that you trample people. not that ambition is entirely wrong, he would add.

i feel as if i’ve learned so much psychological/philsophical stuff while being in his class that some days i feel as if i’m in ap psychology or in a philsophy 101 class instead of an orchestra. not that i’m complaining because i actually find that stuff pretty cool. some people kind of get bored of it, but to each their own.

i find myself applying the lessons we learn in my life, honestly. i’ve become more of an open person during this year, which is something i would have absolutely hated. i’m not 100% open (not even like like 75%), which i don’t think will ever happen, but by releasing some of the negative energy i’ve been bottling up for years, i feel a little more relieved and at peace with myself. i think i opened up like 25% lmao, but that’s honestly better than nothing and suffering in my inner turmoil.

self-care and self-respect is also something he highly promotes. i tend to take the problems of other people and put it on my breaking back because i care about them so much. but i realized a week before this summer started that i do not take care of my issues or i don’t really care for myself. with that being said, self-care and self-improvement is going to be a major theme this summer and i’m going to try putting myself first for my mental health for the first time.

i hope to be a better violist because since i got into chamber, i’ve been comparing myself to all the other chamber kids who play multiple instruments extremely well. i know i would not have gotten in if i wasn’t amazing because of my teacher and his brutal realism and his meticulousness when it comes to his chamber. but i still feel… inadequate. i only really play viola, i can kind of play violin and that’s it.

i especially keep comparing myself to my crush who is… basically a musical prodigy. I KNOW IT’S UNREALISTIC TO COMPARE MYSELF TO HIM, BUT I STILL DO IT. he keeps telling me that i’m good and that i could be first or second chair over the girl who would be it now, but like none of it is going through. my orchestra teacher recommended books to practice with and i’m really going to try because i respect him so much and don’t want to let him down.

i also hope to be as wise, cool, and just as good and influential as my teacher because he is a type of person i would want to be for the people i care about.

from a perfect places seeking sixteen year old,

float in the cyber space.

sometimes i’m angry, and sometimes i’m not

thirty day writing challenge, day three: what are your three top pet peeves?

personally, it takes a lot to make me mad. i don’t like being mad; it affects multiple parts of me, and these days, i truly cannot be bothered to be upset anymore. it’s mentally taxing to say the least. regardless, i do have pet peeves, but they’re kind of fading honestly. like i’ll always have pet peeves, i just haven’t been around them in a while, so there would be nothing to be pet peeved about.

are you picking up what i’m putting down?

1. People Who Post On Social Media For Attention

snapchat is the place where you’re going to find this most. upon acquiring a snap of chat, i noticed that my friends like post a ton. some of my friends like to post things like “i’m sad” or “i’m really upset right now” AND THEN GET PISSED IF YOU ASK WHAT’S WRONG. on top of that, with someone i know specifically, they post like this ALMOST EVERYDAY. to quote another girl i know, “can i post about being sad without y’all bothering me about why, damn. none of you really care about me.”

HOW DOES THAT EVEN-

if you post on social media everytime you’re upset, and then get mad no one is saying anything to you about it, but then get mad if someone does ask, WHAT DO YOU WANT US TO DO?!

if you are posting everytime you are sad on social media for attention, you have an unhealthy way of dealing with your problems and that should probably be addressed.

i really don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but why won’t you let me help? or don’t post about it and expect people not to ask.

2. People Who Ask For Advice For The Sake of Asking

i have this one friend; we’ve been really good friends for about two years at this point.

I ABSOLUTELY DETEST HER LACK OF A MORAL COMPASS.

she knows the right thing to do, she’s a smart person, she tells me what she thinks is the right thing, and then she will be like, “yeah, but what do you think i should do?”

and it would be for something really common sense and because i’ve been down this road before, i would say, “well, it doesn’t matter what i think, you know the right thing to do, and you literally told me, so go and do it.”

“yeah, yeah, but what would you do?”

“what you literally just said, which is the right thing to do.”

“but like, explain.”

i’m annoyed, but i explain anyway, and then the next day, she wants to complain because SHE DID THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT I EXPLAINED AND IS FACING THE CONSEQUENCES. and i’m sitting there just like, “i knew that i thought didn’t matter.”

do you even listen to me for advice or like listening to the sounds of my voice because you never listen?

DO NOT ASK IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO WHAT YOU WANT ANYWAY.

3. Let’s call this last one: the holy hallway trinity

people who stop in the middle of the hallway for no reason

you know we’re in a rush to get to our next classes without being late, trying to grab that education, so why are you interrupting the flow of traffic? what’s worse is if they get mad like it isn’t their fault, can you please keep it moving?

people who are having extreme public displays of affection right in front of the stairs

same above for this one too. also, i took health over the summer before my freshman year, i know i’m not watching redtube or porn hub, so why are you practically having sex on the staircase? the stairs are disgusting anyway, i don’t know why you’re putting your bodies against that,  but that’s none of  my business.

people who are texting while walking and shove people who are in their immediate way

i am almost positive that k8lyn can wait the five minutes it takes to get to class before you respond to her lavender tea she’s spilling. it isn’t that deep to bulldoze everyone in your path while texting like a roadrunner, i promise.

actually got a little heated writing this and all the memories just pouring back, lmao yikes

from a somewhat-regretful ap student already,

float in the cyberspace.

i wish that i knew what makes you think i am so special

thirty day writing challenge, day two: write something someone told you about yourself that you never forgot.

i think this implies that what whatever someone said had to be a while ago that still stuck with you. instead, i’m  going to write about something that was said about me recently that i don’t think i’ll forget because

why not.

story: an inspiration

if you’ve known me at all, you know one of my absolute favorite school subjects is language arts. i love plays, musicals, stories, novels, poems, GIVE ME ALL OF IT. late last year i wasn’t in the best place mentally. i wasn’t doing well in my calculus class and the more i tried, the more i seemed to fail and it really made me miserable because that stress was always on my mind. soon, i had a mental turn around and i had an A at the end of the semester somehow, but… i was in C territory in that class prior to that turn around. I have never been that low in my fucking life. i started spiraling and with that spiraling, i stopped doing what i enjoyed. writing, playing music, nope, i was just obsessing over my grades 24/7. and so, with absolute no confidence, there was no poetry, no short stories, just nothing. my orchestra teacher once remarked that i seemed angry in my playing during that time and he didn’t know why. it was just a oof.

this semester, like april-may, there was a project for the story, “lord of the flies”. one of the options was to write poetry. me, not liking any other option and missing out on poetry, decided to do the prompt of 5 long poems with iambic pentameter. i had never truly written a poem with a strict rhythm pattern like iambic pentameter so i thought i would slander it. i did put all my effort into those poems, as if to prove that i could be a good writer (i used an iambic pentameter checker though because i wasn’t that confident in my phrasing). i was proud of what i wrote and i was really hoping that my teacher would like it. my language arts teacher was retiring this year, and she’s so sweet. i was in her last period, who she really loved, and she really helped me expand on my literary skills. like, she was one of the best teachers i’ve ever had point blank. it is hard to get 100’s, nevermind A’s because she does grade that grammar a little harsh to ensure you’re learning.

when we got our grades back, i got 10s across the board resulting in a 100 which was the first shock. the second shock was reading the comment she left saying, “the best student poetry i have ever read in a long time.” I WAS FUCKING SHOOK. she didn’t even leave a comment on this girl, our valedictorian, who i thought was her favorite like, wow. i was shaking, like i didn’t know how to handle it. that’s something i will never forget.

on the last day of school, she was bawling, and me being a super empath started crying too. i hugged her as i left the door and i said, “you inspired to finally do poetry again.” she squeezed my hand, crying and responded, “i really hope you do.”

that broke my heart but also gave it hope. now i write, for me, for hope, for love, for inspiration, and for her.

side note: i didn’t really mean to keep this  “from a …., float in the cyberspace” motif, but i think i like it because it shows maturity from my good old days.

from a restless moon child,

float in the cyber space.

happiness is all i have, so

thirty day writing challenge, day one: talk about ten things that make you happy

1.Literature

Poems, Short Stories, Novels, writing and reading is what I do best, i believe. so when i spot new inspiration for a story, i get overly excited because i can apply my favorite… concept? to something i create. Creation is really a big happy thing for me because it’s like, “I did that.” if that makes any sense.

2. Finding a New Band or Artist You Really Vibe With

Lately, I’ve been listening to this band called The Regrettes. (REALLY GOOD, DEFINITELY RECOMMEND) The rock band is made up of teenagers and their songs are a little angsty, but nostalgic, independent, and they call for a banging good time. They also post other content on their YouTube channel which is really great. It’s kind of cool just to see people within my age range doing something good. The point is, when I find new music that I genuinely enjoy and relate, I usually chill with the music for days on end and it makes me feel not so alone in my many thoughts.

3. Making a crush laugh

there’s just something really stunning about making someone you really like laugh or even smile. for a few seconds that might linger in your memory, i created a ripple of happiness. it’s almost something to be proud of really because… i can’t really explain it. it’s pure elation at best and if you love their laugh/smile, that just makes it all the better, honestly.

4. Playing My Viola

i grew more passionate about the art of musical expression this year, which really helped me for my chamber orchestra audition ( i got in!!). the school’s chamber orchestra is the best of the best orchestra students in the school and has been highly esteemed in our county and the state, so it’s a pretty big deal. getting in gave me a bit more confidence to experiment with composition and sometimes just aimless playing. sometimes i trip on melodies that sound good and even when i’m just playing classical pieces, i feel amazing.

5. Late Night Driving

becoming a new driver comes with a relieving sense of liberation. summer times are even better because the summer is even more representative of freedom. i have always felt like i am one of the night, being out at night is something that energizes me, oddly enough. summer nights with empty streets, riding with someone you like or even driving alone has this vibe of being infinite with the bright traffic lights and how they blur into the fast night, the light roaring of the car, the wind ribbon dancing about you. it honestly gives me the ending of the perks of being a wallflower vibes which is uber cool to me.

6. Finding a Hidden Gem

once you find something that no one else truly appreciates, you just want to cradle it forever. tripping on a hidden gem for me is as if i found a new source of happiness that isn’t as acknowledged, so i’ll give it the most acknowledgement. i do like sharing what makes me happy, biut i sometimes hold on to things a bit tighter to ensure that i can give it the attention it desrrves before passing it on to others.

7. Being Around Flowers

Flowers just make happy. I don’t know if there’s anything poetic or literarily profound about it, just that being around flowers give me good vibes. even dark roses to yellow tulips, all of them make me happy. tending to them adds another layer to it. it’s just something i’ve always liked.

8. Cleaning

i like to take mental breaks often. away from social media, away from friends, just time for myself. i’m an introvert and i have to recharge eventually. by watching a video from anna akana, i also realized that if my room is messy, my mind gets a little scattered. i try not to be so lazy when it comes to cleaning my room but it still ends up piling up. so i go into deep clean mode, and i find by doing that, my anxiety goes down some and i feel happier and more at peace with myself and my surroundings.

9. Learning

to me, there’s no greater privilege than to be able to learn in the environment that america gives us compared to the oppression faced in other countries by especially women who want to have a education. even if a girl can’t get an education, it inspires me extra hard to learn and work hard in school. for those girls who never will be able to.  knowledge is power truly. that’s why they didn’t want slaves reading, that’s why they don’t want women reading. learning fills me with hope and the ability to create a better, brighter tomorrow.

that’s why the teacher protests to get more pay honestly breaks my heart because they deserve so much more for developing the minds of tomorrow while sacrificing their time to deal wth us. which is also why that dumb diss track bullshit jake paul pulled about teachers pissed me right off.

10. Researching Art

being on the scholar’s bowl team this year, we were asked about classical and modern art often to no avail. none of us on the team were really art students or enthusiasts, so i took upon myself to look up and glance at art over the year. researching the history or the backstory behind so many pieces of art is just so fascinating to me, and this goes back to the learning point, but developing knowledge on something so profound is something that makes me happy.

today i finally turned in my job application for this local bakery that is booming super fast right now. my friend recommended me for the job and they’re expanding so they need a lot of new hands. i also applied to a local barnes & noble because books are my brand, but i think i’ll like working at this bakery a bit more since it isn’t like corporate, it’s local, and i can build relationships with other townspeople. i never really leave my house in the summer, but one of my resolutions was to have days in the town and i actually plan on sticking by that.

for a portion of the ap us history assignment, we have to watch three historical movies and write about them through a worksheet. i had the awesome idea to just throw a movie night at my house for it, and surprisingly enough, my mother wasn’t against the idea. i have to just find a day, figure out who i’m inviting, food prep, and also devise a way to get my sibling out of the house for 8 hours. that part will be exhausting. i’m hoping to invite my crush because we had planned to hang out this summer but my parents had other plans today so we couldn’t today and he said we HAD to hang out before summer’s done so… maybe this will work.

i don’t know. this summer is one that’s kind of more for self-improvement and discovery, so i’m not trying to get into a relationship this summer. it’s not something i’m actively pursuing like if it happens, it happens. it’s the same for him too because we’ve both had quite a year, but his… geez, i think he needs a break too. i told myself that any romantic shenanigans would be on pause until august, but now i’m not so sure. since we’ll both be in chamber orchestra junior year and chamber does some summer performances and events, there’s no avoiding or yeeting like i could before, nope.

could be brave or just insane, we’ll have to see.

from a job-applying, working on being happier teen,

float in the cyberspace.

THE NEW HAMILDROP

GUYS.

I WAS JUST WRITING TODAY’S CHALLENGE POST ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY AND I WAS MENTIONING THE REGRETTES BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE THEIR MUSIC AND VIBE WITH IT BECAUSE IT’S RELATABLE AND IT’S A TEEN ROCK BAND I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO SINCE LIKE MARCH OR APRIL.

I WAS GOING TO MENTION HAMILTON IN THAT POST, BUT I HELD MY TONGUE BECAUSE I’VE RAVED ENOUGH ABOUT HAMILTON.

THE NEW HAMILDROP MADE ME SCREAM.

IT’S THE REGRETTES DOING A ROCK VERSION OF HELPLESS.

I LOVE IT ALREADY, THIS IS A GIFT FROM THE HEAVENS. I WOULD HAVE NEVER IMAGINED THIS. LIKE LIN AND LYDIA, YOU’RE KILLING ME. THEY ARE SO SEPARATE THAT IT WAS NEVER AN IDEA IN MY HEAD.

I LITERALLY SCREAMED WHEN I SAW IT IN MY RECOMMENDED WHILE SEEING THE NEW THEODD1SOUT VIDEO.

THIS IS VERY UNFILTERED AS YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL BUT I JUST HAD TO SAY IT BECAUSE IT’S JUST SO CRAZY.

LISTEN TO ATTENTION SEEKER AND FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, FOOL! ON SPOTIFY AND THE HAMILDROP TOO WHILE YOU’RE AT IT.

#shamelessplug

FROM A FLIPPING OUT, HEAD BANGING FAN,

FLOAT IN THE CYBERSPACE.

tell me it’s okay to be happy now, because i’m happy now

oof, friends. remember when i said i wanted to blog more this year? sorry for yeeting for like… half the year.

yikes.

i was writing a post, as one does, but i just kept adding to it feeling as if it was inadequate. all i did was keep adding and adding to it; it was a polit-socio-economically charged post with anger with the world with all of the tragedies and it was so angry that i just didn’t want to post it. and with school and standardized testing and ap exams, I decided that i didn’t want to return without a better peace of mind.

however, my blog’s purpose, first and foremost, is to serve a emotional vent and chronicle for my life so when i wonder about the life i lived way back when, i have documentation. that would be something i would love when i’m growing old. so that’s what it’s going to be for a while, just documentations of my day and perhaps i’ll expand again. i know i will post poems and writing though because my now past language arts teacher really inspired to share my works again and called them the best poetry she’s read in a while. that’s why i cried the last day of school; she’s retiring and i know i’ll really miss her.

feelings were bottling up again and i need this safe haven to feel alright again. to keep me on it, i’ll be doing one of those journaling challenges during all of june, hopefully. i’ll really try.

i love june and all it encompasses. PLUS, IT’S FUCKING PRIDE MONTH. *aggressively waves rainbow pride flags* I’M SO HAPPY.

remember this pride month to live your truth and that it’s a-okay to be gay. if it isn’t safe you for to live your truth, that’s okay, i’ll be right beside you.

from your loudest lgbtq+ ally in all her questioning glory,

float in the cyber space.

 

30 New Year’s Resolutions

2018 is a matter of time away, and this year has felt like a day yet the day has felt like a year. It’s kind of weird, isn’t it? I’ve kind of been reviewing my year and there are some steps I need to take next year if I want to find myself and be a better friend, student, family member, person.

With that being said, here’s my New Year’s Resolution List. (Plus, I think writing New Year’s Resolutions is therapeutic.)

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  1. Learn a new instrument.
  2. Try something you are scared to do.
  3. Read at least 50 books out of leisure.
  4. Go to a concert.
  5. Take time for yourself when needed.
  6. Exercise more.
  7. Write more poetry, short stories, songs, etc.
  8. Blog more.
  9. Be little more confident.
  10. Explore more genres of music.
  11. Improve your style tendencies?
  12. Improve driving skills.
  13. Stop studying on your bed because it makes you fall asleep.
  14. See a few plays and musicals.
  15. Reach out to old friends.
  16. Develop a new skill.
  17. Stop procrastinating so much.
  18. Find more volunteering opportunities.
  19. Find yourself and be happier. (lmao still a trash can)
  20. STOP ASKING WHY, WHY WE HAD TO WASTE SO MUCH TIME (basically stop holding grudges (it’s a Paramore reference))
  21. Be better at organizing.
  22. Take breaks from social media.
  23. Get a job.
  24. Be more self-reliant.
  25. Look into what you really want to do with your life.
  26. Meditate more.
  27. Don’t overexert yourself.
  28. Try going to community events.
  29. Go see a few movies.
  30. Go out for a day in the city.

Have a Happy New Year everyone!